Originally posted at: https://houseofteresa.com/
I try not to talk about politics on my blog because that’s
not why people come here, but politics are actually a big part of who I am, and
in this essay I share with you a personal story about my late husband (who had
earrings and wore a trenchcoat when I met him) how he got me involved in the
fight for public education, and why I will be supporting the Los Angeles
teachers tomorrow.
***
[I’m going to tie all of this into what I usually write
about on here (mortality, getting through a life that doesn’t go as expected,
the pile of sludge we have to wade through for as long as we have breath inside
of us– you know, all of that depressing stuff I normally ruminate over). Please
stick with me for a bit so I can bring you more of the same.]
On Monday, January 14, 2019, UTLA is going on strike after
two years of drawn-out and fruitless bargaining with the school district. They
want a contract that is fair to both teachers and students.
If you are a union person, hopefully you understand the
importance of solidarity with UTLA and their efforts. I’ve heard a few teachers
express disinterest (“why should I wear red and attend the walk-in, it doesn’t
affect us!”). I’ve also seen special interests like the charter school lobby
who want to pretend like they haven’t been spending millions on elections to
infiltrate the district in an attempt to decimate public education. There are
also comments from people who do not understand the democratic importance of
unions and assume this is just about greedy teachers.
But mostly I see an outpouring of support from parents,
students, and colleagues across the ation. People are sick of having to grovel
to make a living wage that compensates them for their skills and education and
experience. People are sick of sending their children to classrooms that have
too many kids with too many issues and needs and not enough resources. We all
know about these needs. We see the growing poverty in our communities. Mental
health issues have skyrocketed. Gun violence is rampant and tensions are high.
So why are we having to fight tooth and nail for psychologists and nurses and
librarians in our schools?
It’s like we all forget that these children will literally
be the adults in the near future.
I am reminded of one of the first distinct memories I have
of my late husband. It wasn’t a strike, but it was at a demonstration on the
street.
Our department chair told me and the other new guy to be out
on the sidewalk in front of the school after the last bell. Both of us newbies
had no idea why, but we weren’t going to question it. No making waves. I was
grateful for the big girl job with a contract and benefits and was not about to
piss off my department chair. I showed up on time to the thing I did not know
anything about.
Even though my future husband taught in the classroom next
door to mine, he had mostly ignored me since I got hired. We did not know each
other and I’m not even sure I knew his name. I remember seeing him on that day
with his faux hawk and pierced ears, wearing his black Rick Steve’s backpack,
waving a sign and yelling like an enthusiastic activist. It was more of a
fleeting notice on my end, as I was too overwhelmed with the newness of the
experience and completely clueless about unions and why I was standing out
there with my new colleagues who were still strangers to me.
That would all change.
Slowly, I got pulled into this world when I began dating
this man with a faux hawk who wore trench coats and Doc Martens and was a
bulldog about politics–the man I would eventually marry (and force to remove
his earrings).
At first I participated as his sidekick. Precinct walking,
but letting him do the talking. Attending rallies and protests, but pushing the
baby stroller. Holding down the fort at home while he went to trainings and
participated on committees. At some point I realized I did not want to just
stay home, and we began trading child coverage duties while the other person
could participate in politics. Kenneth opened my eyes to the importance of
trying to make a difference, and our family grew around this common theme of
getting involved, our children becoming precinct walkers and protesters in the
womb.
Kenneth unexpectedly died on a Wednesday morning during
springtime, in the middle of a busy week when he had been making daily phone
calls for Bernie Sanders and right at the hour when we should have been making
breakfast and lunches for our kids before school. Instead I was calling 9-1-1
and then the mortuary. He never knew that our current president had a chance of
winning. Sometimes I think it was better that way.
Another election season approached about six months after he
passed away, and I found it important to continue my involvement no matter how
stressful and logistically difficult it was as a new single mother with a
1-year-old, 3-year-old, and a 6-year-old. I strapped the baby onto my back and
we went door-to-door. I found childcare while I attended PAC meetings, and we
kept going. Somehow. Part of that motivation came from a compelling desire to
keep Kenneth alive by honoring his memory of grit and determination. Part of it
was to distract myself and keep busy as a way to manage my overwhelming grief.
The other part was because trying to make a difference and working in a group
for a shared cause really did make me feel joy during a time when I never
thought I could be happy again.
When we work together, support each other, and fight for a
common good, it may seem like we are devoting our efforts to helping others–
and we are– but make no mistake about the amount of self-care that occurs in
the process. Helping others inevitably helps ourselves.
I don’t know if Buddha really said this, but apparently he’s
quoted as saying, “If you light a lamp for someone else it will also brighten
your path.” Whoever said it, they were right.
Why should we care about this strike in Los Angeles?
Solidarity with the L.A. teachers, yes.
But it is also a statement against the privatization of our
public schools by the charter school movement, which spent almost 10 million
dollars in a recent LAUSD school board election to hijack the district with an
intent to drive it into the ground and open more charter schools.
It is a statement against their investment banker
superintendent Austin Beutner, who has a record of being in cahoots with Eli
Broad, a “philanthropist” who spends ungodly amounts of money with a goal to
convert half the schools in L.A. to charters by 2023. We, the public, will not
stand for this privatization. Your false charity will not fool us.
Our public schools are the cornerstone of democracy. It is
imperative that we fight to preserve them. They belong to our communities. We
went to these schools. They don’t belong to any party or elected official or
doofus old man like Eli Broad who has so
much money he thinks he can be our savior and knows what is good for us. Our
schools are not for sale, and we can not allow them to be auctioned the highest
bidder. Our schools belong to our neighborhoods.
Are they all perfect? Certainly not.
But you have a voice in your public school. There are
elected school boards. If you are unhappy, you can speak at school board
meetings. You can get an ineffective trustee out of office with the power of
the ballot. You have access to numbers and information because of laws about
transparency– all things you can not do with charter schools.
Public schools are the most effective way to educate all
children across the nation and give them the foundation they need to be able to
participate in democracy. Public schools are held accountable by strict
regulations and have qualified, credentialed teachers in the classroom that
overseen by elected school boards. Future voters need to be able to read and
write and do math. They need critical thinking skills. They need to be able to
communicate their needs and ideas, and they must understand the ways by which
they can enact change through democratic practices. Where else will they learn
all of this?
Sure, there may be a small percentage of kids who might need
alternative ways to get educated. But for the masses, our public schools are
the way to go. Because of human greed and corruption, this is the best system
for educating our children. We need the oversight and transparency and the
ability to do something about a problem. We need to have a voice in our public
schools.
A democracy cannot exist without the participation of the
people. Otherwise it’s something else, and we’re just calling it a “democracy”
to make everyone feel better. Public schools can not exist without the
participation of the people. We are seeing right now that after many years of
taking for granted that your neighborhood school would be there forever, that
is just no longer the case. We can’t be passive about this anymore.
There are predatory interests lurking around our schools and
looking for a way in.
Predator #1: people have figured out that you can try to
make money off the kids in schools, and this is where charter schools and
voucher programs come in. Yeah, yeah, maybe you can name a charter school that
was amazing and honest, but the facts are indisputable at this point about the
rest of these schools. The vast majority of charter schools simply do not do
better than our public schools, not to mention the widespread corruption we
have seen. The original vision of charter schools never materialized. It’s now
the wild west with a lot of money to be made and an agenda.
Predator #2: ruling elites. They have nothing to gain by the
masses being educated. These are the elites who fund attacks on public schools.
They don’t want the masses having critical thinking skills and learning the
democratic tactics for getting involved in policy-making. If the masses knew
how to advocate for their communities, they might catch on about corporate tax
loopholes and all the other ways that the rich get richer, and the poor get
poorer. You know what? The “elites” in society do not even send their children
to public schools. We haven’t had a president since Jimmy Carter who had the
guts to send their children to a public school. Both elite Democrats and elite
Republicans alike can afford to send their children to amazing private schools,
so they don’t give a crap about your public schools OR your charter schools.
It’s just that sometimes the charter schools can be a little pet project to
make them feel like they are throwing crumbs at the masses (despite their lack
of experience in education), and/or it becomes a way to make more money and pad
their gluttonous portfolio of excess.
I write a lot about death and how I’ve processed my feelings
and challenges in the aftermath of losing my husband as a 34-year mother of
young children. When you lose your partner so early in the family journey, and
when you watch your well-planned life fall into a thousand broken pieces of the
dreams from yesterday, so much about who you are is forever altered.
As a widow, I became consumed with thoughts about who I
would become, riddled with anxiety about the unknown, confused about the
purpose of our existence, and not knowing what to do with this life I did not
choose. I had done everything I was supposed to do in order to achieve my
happily-ever-after, and it wasn’t good enough. I internalized that it meant I
wasn’t good enough. I did not deserve the things that everyone else around me
got. It felt like a banishment to a hellacious existence of tedious misery.
One lesson I learned through this experience is that in the
midst of my pain, I could not retreat. The people around me– neighbors, family,
friends, colleagues, even the checker at the grocery store and the secretary at
my kid’s school–everyone was a part of my community. Throughout my day, even
though grief made me feel isolated and alone, I was never actually alone. I was
a part of something bigger than me. I also came to understand that my reason to
keep living and moving forward was because of my place in this community. I
still had more to do and feel and see and experience. I had more contributions
to make. I had an interconnectedness with others that I couldn’t give up on.
We have this one precious, absurd, strange, wonderful chance
to be alive. For a reason I attribute to the cosmic roll of the dice, we landed
here, at this time, in this moment, and this is what we have to work with. It
is our greatest gift and responsibility to do something meaningful with this
random stroke of luck that we have to be alive and have consciousness and the
ability to be self-reflective.
I want to live as well as I can with whatever years I have
left. I watched my husband die, and with the exhale of his last breath I saw
all of his hopes and dreams and unfinished goals dissipate into a universe he
was no longer physically a part of. But one of my greatest joys during that
time was being able to witness over 500 people at his funeral, and all of the
ways that people paid tribute to him in the weeks and months and years after
his passing because he was the kind of man who cared about others and made a
difference in other people’s lives. I believe that our existence continues
through the hearts and minds of those who we have influenced in some way. It
gives me comfort to know that Kenneth is all over the world in some form, even
when his physical form is no longer with us.
I think the purpose of our existence is to live as well as
we can day-to-day, and to give back to the world in some way. Maybe that’s
being a teacher or a doctor or a firefighter. It could be as a PTA volunteer,
or helping out in your child’s classroom. Maybe it’s raising children to become
contributing members of society, or the way that you cared for an elderly
neighbor. It might be leading a group of Girl Scouts. Perhaps you were a mentor
to a younger person. Maybe you recommended a book, or those times you made
somebody feel better. There are so many ways, big and small, to make this
brutal world a better place. For you. For me. For our neighbors. For our
children and grandchildren. For the children in another country. As the
legacies of the people who went through so much in their own lives, and
directly and indirectly contributed to our world today.
I support the teachers in Los Angeles. I support the
students. As a proud product of public schools and as a parent of children in
public schools, I support our public schools. Public schools are vital for
democracy, and I want so badly to continue believing in the ideal of a
government by the people and for the people. That only happens when the people
stand for something. In a life that is short and fleeting, being a bystander is
your right. Except it’s our interconnectedness that helps us accept how our
human suffering is simply the price we pay for being alive, and this is when we
understand that it’s all worth it because of the purpose and joy we derive from
being a part of something bigger than our own existence.
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